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Phun
Zen
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Everything Zen
- Do not walk behind me, for I may
not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins
with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's
the time to do it.
- Sex is like air. It's not important
unless you aren't getting any.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- No one is listening until you fart.
- Always remember you're unique. Just
like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water
with both feet.
- If you think nobody cares if you're
alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving
is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat
for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer
all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never
see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.
- Some days you are the bug; some days
you are the windshield.
- Don't worry; it only seems kinky
the first time.
- Good judgment comes from bad experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like the Force. It has
a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing
with women. Neither one works.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning
much when your lips are moving.
- Experience is something you don't
get until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut
up.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry,
and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.
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