Credits to Sharon Marousek of Outdoor Technology Group for the original list of gems. It all sounds so American until the reference to 20 pound notes. Apparently Assmosis is a woridwide phenomenon.

Adminisphere:

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Submitted by: D. Stumm

algoreythm:

(n: al' gor-ith-em): Any method of calculation performed repeatedly until a desired result is produced. (see "Wtalk")

Submitted by: D. Stumm

 Alpha Geek:

The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

 Assmosis

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

 Blamestorming:

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

 Beckite:

This is the hard substance between the ears of geeks who have spent too much time taking themselves seriously (note: take any dweeb's name and add "ite").

Submitted by: Zebra Mussel

 Body Nazis:

Hardcore exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

 Blow Dries:

Generic description for what passes for reporters and anchorpersons. Nice hair (often fake!), and not much else.

 Cell Phonies:

Perhaps the lowest form of life, which in a cell phony's case is not worth living. If any of these blabbing, boastful, cretinous, vomitous lane-weavers was as important as they believe themselves to be, they'd have a chauffeur. Guess what? They don't. So hang the friggin' phone up and pull over for your palaver.

 Chainsaw Consultant:

An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

 Chips and Salsa:

Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

 Clear the Cache/Shift Refresh:

Perform vital bodily functions after an extended mouse potato session. (ed. note: "From the lowliest peasant to the mightiest pharaoh, everyone enjoys a good sit." -- Monty Burns.)

Submitted by: H. Himmler

CLM:

Career Limiting Move: Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Submitted by: D. Stumm

 Cube Farm:

An office filled with cubicles. (see "Prairie Dogging")

DILBERTED:

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.

Inspired by: T. Clifford

 Flight Risk:

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

 404:

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."

Submitted by: D. Stumm

 God's Waiting Room:

Florida.

Submitted by: Deano

 Going Postal:

Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

 GOOD Job:

A "Get Out Of Debt" job. A wellpaying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

 Idea Hamsters:

People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

 Irritainment:

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

 Lanelubber:

Clueless snail-speed driver who gets in the left lane and stays there, anticipating that left-hand turn coming up in a mile or ten or hundred. It's beyond a lanelubber's grasp to understand why the road ahead always is clear, but the traffic's all snarled up behind.

Submitted by: Hoosier Hater

 Mouse Potato:

The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

 Nagrivator:

The person sitting beside you in the car trying to tell you how to get there from here.

 Percussive Maintenance:

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

 Prairie Dogging:

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Salmon Boy/Salmon Girl:

State when you spend an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.  

Submitted by: D. Stumm

 Seagull Manager:

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything and then leaves.

 SITCOMs:

What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for "Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage."

 So I Found Out:

Exclamation made when the blindingly obvious becomes painfully clear to the blitheringly idiotic. First uttered by drunken account exec who had the shit beat out of him by his wife's 'date'. He wasn't sure she'd been cheating. Typical use is as rejoinder to stupidity, i.e., "So you found out."

Submitted by: Mr. White Suit

 Squirt the Bird:

To transmit a signal to a satellite.

 Starter Marriage:

A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

 Stiff Steering Syndrome:

Affliction that prevents many drivers from moving out of the way of speedier traffic (which would be visible in the rear-view mirror, if it was ever used), or yielding any portion of the highway to hikers, bikers, runners, pedestrians, pets, wildlife and other innocent bystanders who must share the road on most suburban streets and rural routes.

Submitted by: A Running Fool

 Stress Puppy:

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

 Swiped Out:

An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

 SWAG:

Scientific Wild Ass Guess.

Submitted by: T. Aines

 V/R:

Email sign-off that's short for: Very Respectfully.

 Tourists:

People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

 Touron:

Typical tourist/moron.

 Treeware:

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material, such as books.

 Uninstalled:

Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." Synonym: Decruitment.

 Wtalk:

(v: dub-ya-tawk): to champion states' rights and the individual while filing Federal lawsuits to deny both. (see "algoreythm")

Submitted by: mongo

 Xerox Subsidy:

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

 Yuppie Food Stamps:

The ubiquitous 20 pound notes spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe 8 pounds each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Check out the laffs on our New!

Drivers' Sucky Habits

Fabooo!

It's Nice to be a Guy

Millennial Humor

Laws That Truly Matter

Lessons I've Learned

Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew

Webster's Quotations

phun home

More exclusive than Mensa! Whizzo's News of the World monthly newsletter supplies smart people with 18% of their daily brain stimulation. Subscribe today! Subscribe Unsubscribe