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- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's
just too icky.
- Same work... more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $50.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- And don't forget... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without thinking:
"He must be mad at me."
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little
gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong friends.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping accomplished for 25 relatives, on Dec. 24th,
in 45 minutes.
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